It is so crazy that it is almost October already! I know in the last entry I mentioned working on a few things for myself and for being a mom. It has been a whirlwind month to say the least.
Let’s start with work. I have started to feel very pressed to want to do my best. My “new” boss has been a little incompetent concerning how she responds and handles herself in the workplace. I know no one is perfect and we all have bad days, weeks, months and whatnot but you need to just figure it out and stop making excuses/blaming others.
We no longer have a permanent executive director and marketing person which doesn’t help matters. We have an interim ED who comes in from Tues-Thurs to oversee things but she isn’t trying to come in and make huge changes like a permanent ED would. She also favors my new boss and whatever she says conerning others, their duties and so on. So it has painted a very two sided tension.
I just come in and do my job whatever that means anymore. She gives me “tasks” that really are just busy work that she doesn’t feel like doing which I guess is partly why I’m her “assistant” so I’m there to assist her in her daily tasks but I think for the most part she either puts it all on me or hardly at all and just gives me 2 second tasks that really don’t “need” to be done but “could” be done to have extras.
Overall, I really have started to dislike working there for the first time in the almost 5 years I’ve been there. I don’t trust anyone and feel very on edge while working because who knows what could come up. Every day is something else. I already spoke with the regional HR person about my concerns and overall intention of quitting. I don’t know what the future holds for my job or employment.
All I know is I’m giving them a few more weeks before I give notice, because unfortunately, this is not an overnight change ordeal. It may not even end up with my boss being fired or quitting. I just know having the experience with her these past few months I know I don’t want to work under her for the next year or beyond.
Now, concerning the rest of my life, things are as they have been. Some days I’m feeling like a great mother and other days I feel like I just yell and threaten all day. I know this is a hard time in juggling the two ages/stages they are in but I also try and cherish these moments that they are this small. It can be extremely difficult to see the big picture.
In terms of my anxiety, it comes and goes. I still don’t get 30 minutes of just me time a day but at this point, I am just coping. It may be shortening my life for all I know. I still want to lose weight which isn’t in the works. I have tried to lengthen my hair coloring sessions out to keep expenses down. I also have tried to cook more so we’re not eating out nearly as much.
I know things could be worse. There are thousands out of work still during this pandemic. Families are barely getting by. I should be glad to still have a job even though it drives me crazy and a healthy family. There are bigger issues playing out and my problems are small compared. I need to just be thankful like the fall theme is and go with it.
I plan to just show up for work, keep to myself and go home. I don’t plan on telling anyone my plan to quit except for Janice who I already said I would. I hope she doesn’t tell anyone else at work. I guess I will find out when I come in.